17.3.13

a K in B.A.

There are a lot of labels that have been put on me over the years.  TCK (Third Culture Kid), MK (Missionary Kid), and the always classic PK (Perfect Kid--not to be confused with Pastor's Kid ;) ).  While those descriptions often do a suitable job to help explain why and who I am today, I refuse to be confined to them.  No no no.  Instead of approaching this time in Argentina as an opportunity to re-experience the six years of my childhood that were spent here or to fulfill any other type of expectation one of those "labels" could put on me, I am eager and set on living these next 5 months in Buenos Aires simply as a K.  Just a kid.  Not defined by any other labels (though they may be put on me).

A kid, her pillow-pet, and her hopes that, although her camera might do a pretty darn good job, it won't be able to capture all of the amazing memories that are about to be created. But God knows I’ll try to convey this wonderful experience through my words and my lens!

And thus, we are left here with this beginning account of my first couple of weeks spent in Buenos Aires--courtesy of my child-like over enthusiasm at all things Argentine and my trigger-camera-happy finger.




We're going to skip the goodbyes, the Wisconsin cold, and the descriptions of the surprisingly good airplane food and get right down to the good stuff--Buenos Aires, Argentina.

The writer in me wants to say that first walking out of Ezeiza Airport was like breathing in a breath of fresh air, but the Honest Abe in me has to say that it was more like breathing in a breath of cough-inducing, second-hand cigarette smoke. And to me, that sweet smell (though I am not a smoker) was a whiff of delicious, asthma-irritating, familiarity of this city.
Yet that same familiarity was constantly mixed with a feeling of uncertainty as I didn't know where the FLACSO bus was taking us, who would be there, and what we would do. And that's very fitting of how my first few days in Buenos Aires turned out to be--vague sights or customs that I remembered overshadowed by the cloudy feeling that I wasn't quite confident in knowing exactly what they were or how they were done.

I remembered that people here often bought their fruits at a store of its own entity--a verdulería or frutería--but I couldn't remember exactly how this was done.  Do I touch the fruits myself? Do I tell them what I want?  How do I know they aren't charging me too much for what I'm buying?  How much is this coin that I have in my hand even worth?!?!

The same went for the Panadería.  And this was something that , for the sake of my sweet tooth, I would need to get cleared up right away.  By trial, and not so much error thanks to the helpful workers, I found that you get to fill your own basket with baked goods.  I also found that the baskets can hold just about one of every type of baked good.......This was very good news for a person whose personal motto is "No amount of dulce de leche is ever enough dulce de leche"


                       

And other than dulce de leche, you know what I missed?
Coca-Cola from a glass bottle.  Although it is obtainable in the States, it's not as common.
You know what I forgot you need to have in order to drink Coca-Cola from a glass bottle?
A bottle opener.  Yet another "detail" of my memories that I left out. (Or perhaps just common-sense, in this case).
You know what works instead of a bottle opener?  A roommate and her key.  Just in case any of you are ever stuck in the same predicament, impatiently awaiting that sweet, syrupy taste that you hadn't had for three years...







I missed the normalcy of getting an afternoon "café".  I missed being waited on and being casually impressed that orders never had to be written down, that it was expected that people would sit and chat for a couple of hours, and the elegant show that always accompanied ordering a simple café con leche--The heated up cup of milk, the small glass of sparkling water, and often, the mini alfajor served to you.


Apparently, though, I missed some other things too.  Like, how much you should tip a waiter, the art of discreetly yet confidently getting their attention for the check, and the common knowledge that the large packets are sugar, the small packets are sweetner, and you do not successfully get the latter by saying that you would like "algo que es azucar, pero.....no es azucar" (Something that is sugar....but it's not sugar).  That will only leave you with a waiter who thinks you're Brazilian and have mixed more in your café than just leche...if you know what I mean...












Despite the leisure that accompanies an afternoon cafecito, I am enamored with the contrast of energy that is constantly flowing throughout the city.  

The streets are full of stands that lend to the life and color of Buenos Aires, people are walking to work, walking home for lunch, or stopping to get their shoes shined on their break which is indubitably cementing the perception of a hard-working and versatile society and culture.
I feel like this could be the cover of a magazine!  'El Porteño', perhaps

The architecture is constantly leaving me breathless. 


And with the 'hustle and bustle' of the city comes the 'watching and waiting' of Public Transportation. 


The adorable reality that you never get too old to wait for your bus.  
And once past the initial view of what it was like to be surrounded by a passionate people and city, I was blessed enough to move one degree closer--well, as close as you can get, actually--and live with a wonderful Argentine woman named Gabriela.  




Gabriela, or more fondly called Gabe, is an inspiring woman to say the least.  Immediately she exemplified, with poise, the candid personality that is very much a part of the Argentine's nature.  She gifted me with stories about herself, her family, her life and almost instantly made me feel comfortable and free to do the same with her.

She is an accomplished writer, a sought after literary editor, a mother, a grandmother, a life-long friend, a selfless and hospitable host, a master in the kitchen, and one half of the pre-dinner entertainment duet that one is lucky to listen in on.



Her duet partner, comes in the form of her long-time boyfriend, Sebastián.  Sebastián is never lacking in versatility of dinner conversations--ranging from stories of his visits to the USA, peeling back layers of Peronismo in hopes of helping me better understand, to discussions on our favorite Argentine cinema.

Dinners have easily become one of my favorite parts of Bs. Ar.  You can't go wrong when you have the certainty of delicious food and delving conversation.





But, if you are lucky enough to live with Gabe, you should know that she comes with terms and conditions.  That is, you also live with her cat, Piori, and are sure to be constantly surprised by her children and friends stopping by--often times when she isn't even home!  (No one can stay away from her cooking and welcoming home for too long!)  That said, other than the cat, those "terms and conditions" are more like "limited time special offers"--because of course, her family and friends are completely wonderful people as well!

Celebrating Gabe's birthday!

More than her food. Her family. Her friends. Her emphasis that I am comfortable in "my home". One of my favorite perks to living with Gabe, in this home, is the terrazza that I get to use whenever I please!  Much tanning, drooling over the view of the city, and hanging out with friends has taken place on my apartment roof!
Obviously, this doesn't even do the actual sight justice.


Celebrating my friend Ainsley's 21st birthday with a skyline, rooftop, make-shift asado.
And although my home (and terrazza :) ) are so wonderful, I have managed to tear myself away long enough to begin to peel away (keeping in mind it's only been two weeks and I have an entire 5 MONTHS!!) the many layers of vivid life that Buenos Aires has to offer.

27.2.13

If the world's nicest Tempur-Pedic and my pillow pet Martin had a baby, THAT would be the perfection that my head gets to sleep on every night.

And I mean, that’s just my pillow, guys. Just imagine how good everything else is here in Argentina!  Not to be dramatic or anything, but I think I'm in love with literally everything—from every afternoon café that is served, to each and every piece of cobblestone laid on the streets of this city.

To put it very simply (and perhaps archaic for my age), I am just smitten to be back in Buenos Aires. I’m giddy with happiness when I finally wrap my face in my dress (my makeshift eye-mask until I buy one) and fall asleep amidst the sound of passing buses through the night, sound of youngins on their way to the clubs, and to the general white noise that comes from being in a city of 2,891,082.

More than the city though, there’s a close tie for my favorite part of Argentina being the open-hearted nature of the Porteños and the gorgeous sound of the sing-songy words that come out of their mouths. For me, it’s a treat to sit for an hour or so after dinner and just chat with my wonderful host-mom (Gabe) and her boyfriend (Sebastian). My current life goal, to be a parrot. If all else fails I'd be an excellent Argentine mute. I look the part and can understand nearly everything perfectly…but reproducing the accent myself…well, let’s just say, I've set some pretty high standards for myself and it will be a while until I meet them.

And that could be a problem, I suppose—that I've been setting my own standards that are waiting to be met by the approval of fellow Argentines. And just like that, God has convicted me of, I guess you could say ‘putting all of my kinder eggs in one basket’. How tempting it was for me when I arrived to throw off everything that identified me as “North American” and to completely immerse myself into the Argentine culture. I’m prettyyyyy sure that’s exactly the opposite of what I learned in the pre-study abroad class…..my bad.

So I've been praying that God continues to keep me on guard against unrealistic ideals and most importantly, that I would continue to seek His praises alone. To balance the difference between appreciating this culture and the time that I have abroad while not seeking to find my satisfaction in it. That Christ would continue to be the well that I draw from to have my thirst quenched rather than from any well-dressed, tan, smooth-talking, smoke-caused-yet-charmingly-raspy-voiced Argentine. It’s so easy to become prideful whenever my Spanish is complimented, whenever I’m asked for directions on the street as if I live here, or when people want to go out with me, but I’m thankful that God keeps me in check and reminds me that when I am seeking the glory from one another rather than the love of God, I am not keeping my priorities straight.

My favorite hymn sings over and over that “You can have all this world, Give me Jesus”. All this world. That means Argentina too. The sovereignty of God knows no ends and if that’s the case, I know for certain that I don’t want to be caught up in the idea that "Argentina can do no wrong" and in turn miss out on opportunities in which God has prepared for me in Buenos Aires.  Instead of proving, whatever it even is I'd like to prove to these amazing people, what I truly want to exemplify is what it looks like to live a life compelled by Christ's love.

My prayer (and if you think of it, yours for me as well :) ) 

That I would not spend myself on men for the sake of their affirmation, but for the sake of drawing them closer to HIM.  More than desire the approval of Argentines, or of other students in the program, that I would truly only desire the approval of God. 

Nope. I did NOT sign up for this.

Despite what my brother likes to claim, I am NOT a Cat Lady yet and I honestly don't worry that I will ever become one.  I could say it's because I'm allergic to cats (which is true) but, that would be lying.  The real reason is, I kind of strongly dislike [I FIND THEM TO BE SOME OF THE MOST VILE CREATURES THAT GOD CREATED] cats.  

So, you can imagine my surprise after my initial surprise of what a large and spacious apartment I live in in Argentina, to walk into my room and find Piori just plopped on my bed as if he, and the other two cats that he ate, own it.  

But I wasn't going to let this little beast get me down.  'I just don't understand cats' is what I told myself.  But seriously, I don't.  And I don't think a week later I'm any closer to reaching a point of understanding or of losing my original notions of the creepy felines.  

1. Disdain.  He always looks at me like he hates me.  Like he's judging me.  YOU DON'T THINK I REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS I LOOK WHEN I'M DOING PILATES?! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE IN THE ROOM, PIORI!!  But not just pilates, I'm innocently sitting at my desk and this is what I look over to see.

Can you see the look of pure hatred on his face??!  I literally can't see anything else.

2. He's bipolar.  One minute I'm lying there reading and he comes up on the bed and so I go out of my comfort zone (you know, because I'm in another country and need to be practicing doing that and stuff) and so, I pet him.  And it's all fun and games ok, I guess, AND THEN OUT OF NO WHERE HE HISSES AT ME! WHAT THE WHAT PIORI!?!  

3. Perhaps the most concerning though, is how he gets along (or doesn't get along, I should say) with my friends.  One in particular.  I mean, if things are going to work out for me here, he needs to be respectful of the fact that not only will I be in my room, but so will my friends.  SO STOP GIVING MARTIN THE COLD SHOULDER, PIORI, YOU SNOTFACED CAT!!



4. I JUST DON'T GET WHAT HE WANTS!! I want to try to be his friend, well, maybe just to have things be civil between us, but I don't know what he wants! (Other than the cans of tuna that he was attacking in my grocery bag...like, how did he know there was tuna in there?! DO CATS HAVE A SUPER SNIFFER LIKE GUS?! SHOUTOUT TO PSYCH WHICH PREMIERS AGAIN TONIGHT!! HOLLA'!)  Sometimes, he walks around purring and purring and I think he wants to be pet so I reach out to pet him and HE SNAPS AT ME. Oh, okay.  Last time, I try to be nice. Gosh.  

Just look at this face.  How, like, really, tell me, how can you love this...thing?!  

This was the moment I saw my life flash before my eyes. 

 And this was the moment I thought I was forever freed of Piori.  I was almost certain that he was reaching for the light, and then had, well, for lack of better words, died.

 But trust me, he's still here.  Watching me.  At this very moment.

Always.  He and his judgmental  glossed over, golden-glowing eyes are always watching me.

Prayers appreciated.

And for all of you "cat people".  Like, WHY?!!

10.2.13

To share in joy rather than solder with jealousy.

Guys, today my mom won her age bracket for the 5k that we ran!

Here’s the thing. She also beat my time. Here’s the other thing. She’s 56 years old.

You can imagine that for a competitive, prideful person (not to not name names—I’M TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT ME, CAROLINE, HERE!) having your mom beat you takes a swooping chop of a leg from that pedestal that I went ahead and put myself on. Not even the winner’s pedestal, mind you. 

You’re probably thinking that this is the lamest example of jealousy that you have ever heard. Worse than a Focus on the Family Kids’ Devotional where Katie gets jealous of Melissa for having the Powder Puff Girl lunchbox that her mom wouldn't let her get. All right then. I’ll see your story and raise you one. How about Facebook. How about how often I go on only to catch myself stalking someone, and without realizing it my thoughts start flashing. Bam! Just like that. We’re not talking Good Will Hunting-genius-type flashing here but more like the petty-comparison-make-myself-feel-better-game. I see a post about someone succeeding in some way and automatically my thoughts flash to examples that I can come up with of how they haven’t succeeded. Or sometimes even worse, I’m ashamed to admit, I fall back on judging physical appearances. Why?! Why in the world would I be part of such a fruitless game?? Like, if I wanted to do that I might as well head on over to District 10, throw my hands up in the air and volunteer. 

Well, to answer my own question. Being human is a messy ordeal. 

I’m a prideful being. But the funny (but not really) thing is, the only thing I should be prideful of is God. My talents, my successes, my opportunities, my family, my friends—all the blessings that I have are not my own but all by the grace of God, a gift poured out onto me. 

Also, I’m a foolish being. How petty are the things that I value and often put my confidence in. To be funny, to look good in a picture, to be complimented…(“wow Caroline, slow down! Don’t share all of your overwhelmingly attractive qualities right away! I mean, save some for the third post!”...I know I know, I’m told I can come on a bit strong)…Things that are important to me for the sole purpose of lifting me up.

But what a transformation it would be if I stopped deceiving myself into saying that I was truly doing all I could to glorify His name, and I actually lived that out as best as I could. What if with every Facebook post that I looked at I rejoiced with the person celebrating rather than try to devalue their achievement!? What if I praised God for the beauty of His every human creation rather than allow myself to feel insecure or judgmental?? What if instead of looking at celebrities as being created “under the knife” I remembered that they’re also created in God’s image and ought to be loved the same as you or me?? What if I thanked Him for giving me a mom that has the discipline and child-like enthusiasm to KICK BUTT running her races rather than let myself get jealous?? 

Guys, we’re talking about a transformation even better than when Heimlich the caterpillar emerges as a butterfly in A Bug’s Life ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlERKIzEddE ). Big stuff here. One that if I tried to do on my own accord, I would be completely overwhelmed and simultaneously weirded out by the way my head works. A transformation of the mind. And already I have found that it truly is a joy to continually have an awe-set heart at the generosity of our God rather than an envious mentality toward …well, what, after all? What do we lack that we have to be desirous of??

So here’s to God taking my every thought captive before I allow it to become a prized catch. To striving to live an awe-stricken, joy-filled life. A life where I am thankful for my blessings but never feel entitled to any of them. And that the only pedestal I would ever put myself on would be the one in front of Peach’s castle as DK tries to gracelessly balance his kart amidst the falling confetti.

Sissy, Dad, and me with the winner! So proud of her!!! 




7.2.13

If 'expectations' were a medicine, any company wanting to avoid a lawsuit would be sure to throw on a "Caution: may be detrimental to your happiness" label.

Maybe the reason I like to claim I'm not a daydreamer is because instead I like to think that I know how everything will turn out. I'm not 'daydreaming' per se, but rather, "preparing" or "planning", if you will.

Like, remember that time I went to Argentina and suddenly felt that after all of these years of being Argentine by birth (and pride) yet a US citizen by blood (and the massive amount of cheese curds I have consumed) I suddenly felt as if it all became crystal clear?!  Remember how I left Argentina after five months and I was able to feel as if my puzzle-piece identity wasn't all corner pieces anymore, but that I completely understood how to balance my love for two different cultures and came home and suddenly everyone else understood too and we all danced around eating dulce de leche and singing praises to God?! And also! My voice! Remember how I suddenly found out that all these years I just had a "tickle in my throat" which was ALSO cured while in Argentina leaving me with the voice of an angel, wait! no, even better, of Beyonce?!

Oh Caroline, Caroline, Caroline... (I can feel you all shaking your heads and face palming me all the way over here and I know what you're thinking....She will NEVER be able to sing.  No matter what Paula says when she plays American Idol on the Wii…)  

So let's leave that argument until the next time you hear me sing "My Heart Will Go On" and instead think how, in the words of Queen B. herself, all of these expectations I have are just going to leave me one 'broken-hearted girl'.  There is a huge difference between having expectations that will satisfy my own desires for my life and having faith that will satisfy God's purposes for me—which after all, should be my desires anyway.  I "know" this, but my Type-A personality trying to predict and control every aspect of my life is quick to forget.  But how thankful I am that I have a Father who doesn't give up guiding me even when I would often prefer it.  Ultimately, I'd much rather follow after (what often appears to be) His trail of crumbs than the path I've taken the liberty to deem "good" and have decorated with gold.  The beautiful thing is that those "crumbs" will guaranteed always lead to satisfaction and blessings—whether the way we had imagined or in a way far beyond our initial understanding.

A prayer as I prepare for my time abroad:
May my desires align wholly and excitedly with Yours.  That all I would ever "expect" is that You are at work in and around mehaving the discipline, discernment, patience, and obedience to experience You.